Year One of Motherhood
I shared this to my email subscribers shortly after Abel’s first birthday, but I thought it might encourage some new friends around here.
“Today I have more of a life update for you: my sweet baby boy is ONE. On Leap Day of 2024, I was induced and prayed fervently that my baby would come on March 1, not February 29. Thankfully, Abel didn't come until 7:30 pm on Friday, March 1, 2024. I was so happy to not have to deal with all the Leap Day birthday jokes the rest of his life!
I know babies don't keep. They grow quickly, as I've witnessed with my seven nieces/nephews prior to Abel. But when it's your own baby growing up before your eyes, it hits deeply. Just yesterday he was a tiny nine-pound bundle, and I was holding him nonstop (my granny always said, “you know you can put him down, right!”). And now he is an active, giggly, curious, adventurous 20-something-pound (almost) toddler. He's a total daredevil and loves to explore, which I attribute to Uriah. I'm happy to report he's still a total cuddle bug; we call him koala baby because he will snuggle with anyone anytime and I liveeee for it.
Looking back, this year has absolutely flown by. I was reminded this past week that not only has Abel grown in so many ways, but I have too. Motherhood has refined me in ways I never expected. I was told by many moms this would be the case, but experiencing the refining myself has been a whole different ball game. Just this past weekend, I was telling Uriah how I feel like I have been fighting so many uphill battles. From figuring out rhythms in our home, to finding time to read Scripture and pray, to being intentional with Abel and pouring into him deeply, to having a good work ethic in all the responsibilities before me—all of this has felt harder than I ever expected. I suspect it's because the enemy knows and sees that we are trying to disciple this little life to know and love Jesus one day, and the enemy will do everything in his power to oppose that. If he can get to me, that trickles down to our son (no pressure, am I right).
I wish I could say I've done perfectly at all of this, but to be ugly real with you, I have felt more vulnerable and weak than ever before. I've been face to face with my sin nature and fighting the flesh daily throughout this past year. For the first time in my life, I think I'm really aware of experiencing God's promise: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Cor. 12:9). I know a lot of moms are subscribed to this newsletter, so maybe you feel this too (if you do, I'd love to chat).
Throughout this past year, I see myself nursing our firstborn throughout so many nights, whether in bed or the rocking chair in his nursery. I see myself sitting on the couch recovering from delivery and holding him close hour after hour. I see myself taking him on walks and mall trips in his stroller. I see myself nursing, pumping, and prepping formula bottles. I see myself packing and unpacking the diaper bag countless times, and doing a lot of tiny laundry. I see myself crying hot tears when I only got a few hours of sleep and I see myself laughing as I tickle Abel and he belly laughs. I see myself doing the best I could with what I had, whether tears, gratitude, or joy were involved that day. Even when I felt weak, God gave me strength to keep going and to press on.
I know time isn't slowing down and I know my refining is nowhere near done, but I don't think I have words for how grateful I am for this past year and the mercies God has shown me by the second. He has carried me and Abel (and Uriah too of course) every step of the way, whether we saw/felt Him working or whether He seemed distant.
Whether you're a new mom like me, a hope-to-be-mom, an experience mom, or anyone in between—honestly if you are anyone reading this newsletter—I hope I can point you to one, sole thing: God does not forsake His people. Even when life feels really hard and you feel really weak, He is always there, always near. You don't have to be strong, because God is.”
